Shit Girls Say: College Bar Edition

So in recent weeks of trolling perusing the bars like I do so awesomely in my free time, I have had the pleasure of overhearing some pretty outrageously warped shit come out of the mouths of prima donna young women acrosst the state. So I thought I would dedicate this blog in their honor (or dishonor if we are being technical). So read the quotes below, my responses - which I unfortunately kept to myself - are regirgitated here [inside brackets like this]. Enjoy shitheads!

"Omg he's wearing an American Eagle shirt... he's either gay, poor, or still in high school. Let's get out of here!"

[you, sweet niave little bitch, are about as shallow as the gap between your teeth. Grow up or go home]

"Ew. Her highlights were SO done from a box she bought at Walgreens this morning."

[yeah... because YOUR hair doesn't look like you vomit orange juice and seaweed on your hair every morning.]

"I just don't understand why he won't talk to me?! What did I do wrong??"

[your breasts are small... that's a start, and well, me just being chauvinist. But to get to the root of the problem... try to stalk him less, you make the crime look like a sport]

"OMG BECCA!! THE WOP IS ON LETS DANCE!!!

[yeeeeeah... let's not. While watching you swing your arms like an angry giraffe swings its neck isn't the most entertaining thing, I'd rather swallow a brillow pad than watch you trip over your clown feet while trying to "dance" to a youtube song. Seek help here: http://adamjameson.blogspot.com/2011/05/dance-floor-is-not-your-therapist.html]

"EW, I think I just saw my lit professor at the side bar... He's probably a rapist"

[your ignorance seems to know no bounds... while I'm sure you are just paranoid because you were probably molested by your uncle - which would explain all the eyeliner. This doesn't justify you accusing every older man as a rapist you sloot.]

"If there's cover I am SO not going in this bar......... oh hey there's Mark!! HEY MARK! ...oh look I just found 5 dollars.. lets go in!"

[your parents must be so proud at how fiscally responsible your vagina isn't..]

"He wouldn't even pay for my vodka soda... he's totally gay.."

[yes I am SURE that's why he didn't pay for you drink... it couldn't possibly be that you look like an even fatter Rosie O'Donell with a botched nose job.]

aaaaand I digress... have a good week dick lickers!