This Christmas Music is Making Me Angryyy....

Well its sure been a hot minute since I have written anything on here. Pardon my prolonged absence I finally got a frikin job! And aside from working and getting sloshed all the time, I still actually attend the majority of my classes... well... mostly. Anywho, today's shit list has a huge fat nuissance sitting on the number one spot like a new mariah carey song on the Billboard Hot 100. That annoying fat nuissance would be the unfortunate, and highly aggrevating arrival of musics worst genre: Christmas music. That's right, I said it. Call me an athiest, a Jew, or be clichѐ and call me the grinch... whatever you want. I still love Christmas, just not the shitty tunes that come along with it. I mean, its practically the only holiday that has thousands of songs written about it and they ALL suck. Christmas music is like the ugly step child of classical american music. I mean, who gives a shit that your grandma got run over by a reindeer... reindeer fly (allegedly). So unless your grandma sprouted wings and got trampled by raindeer on a cloud, that song proves to be physiologically incorrect. And no, I'd rather NOT deck my halls with boughs of holly. I deck my halls with posters of naked women, alcohol, and other cool shit of the sort. So next time you see me twacking like a nine year old having a seizure, its because while radio surfing i caught a small clip of jingle bells or chestnuts roasting on an open fucking fire. I'm getting wayy too pissed off to continue writing this and my english paper needs my undivided attention.

Currently Listening To: NOT fucking Christmas music...

Hey! Don't Puke On The Birthday Girl....!!

So my blogging is following my return from a sorority on sorority flag football game, I'll get to that in a minute but it was quite hilarious. This weekend was massively insane (I feel like I say this about all my weekends... hmmm. Typical me.) It was a good friend of mine's birthday and genius me decided to throw her a raging party. My roomates and I invested are hard earned cash -- by hard earned I mean newly acquired Financial Aid checks of course -- and threw down for not one, but TWO kegs and a large NFL sized cooler of Hunch Punch, you know, the usual. If you can, try and imagine my quaint 3 story townhome apartment packed wall-to-mother frekin-wall with 300 of our good friends, and a 10 to 20 randoms here and there. One of which said randoms thought he would go ahead and be "that guy" and puke on my living room carpet. Cooool Dude, dont play beer pong if you can't handle the contents of your stomach. Ass. In the process of his literal projectil vomiting he pukes straight onto on of my buddies, then proceeds to be a sprayer and trail his vomitrociousness all over 2 little sorority girls (both dart for the bathroom and cry about the vom on their new leather boots and heels. ha.) But don't worry... he didn't stop there. He continued to misfire and instead of aiming for the door he spews a few garden-sprinkler like jet streams of barf onto the birthday girls dress and her boyfriend... while this is strangely hilarious to talk about now, shit got pretty intense at the time. Her boyfriend asks him and his vomiting fan club of random cronies to leave. The cronies get buck and start arguing and I am almost positive while I was cleaning up the "spill" I heard him say: "Chill the F*ck out dude! It's just some barf dude everyone pukes! It could be worse! I coulda pissed on your walls or shit on your carpet!!" .......yes. yes you asshole you could have, but your bitch ass little friend puked and that's gross enough. After cleaning the spill I decided I had had enough of puking freshman and beer spilling drunk bitches. Sooo what do I do? Naturally I sketch out of my own party and hit up the bars. Ha. Gotta Love Me...

After an intense night I of course have to relax my liver by sleeping til 3 and skipping the Game Day festivities. Don't worry though, I still went up to those bars like it was my frekin job. Great night. As for tonight I decided to party it up at the library until 10 and go watch the hilarity that was a brood of sorostitutes sporting their penny jerseys and pullable flags. Aside from the breaking of nails and pulling of hair they actually did pretty good. Quite entertaining I must say... But I have blabbed enough. I've gotta go convince my friend Madison (who just farted in my face... classy bitch) to stop trying to Pay Per View the pornon 2 Horny 2 Say No on Dish Network... See yahhh.

Currently Listening to: Thrash Unreal by Against Me!

& Fireflies by Owl City

This Frat House Looks Like A Holiday Inn Lobby....

I know this is a little delayed, but if you'd had the weekend I just had you'd probablly still be too fucked up to type two words... Anyway... I'm still sideways from the events of this weekend. Thursday was bar night in college town, nothing too out of the ordinary. Friday, well it was quite the awkward/intensely fun night. My girlfriends dad was turning 50 and if you knew her parents you would know that no event goes by without a MASSIVE celebration. We started out at her house in Buckhead/Atlanta with martinis, catered appatizers, the works. Then had a humongous sushi bar catered while still drinking and taking delicious sake bombs. After what we college aged peoples call "pre-gaming" / what 50 year olds call "a few starter drinks", a fucking party bus picks up me, my girlfriend, and roughly 30 to 40 couples ages 40-...um... ancient. ha. We are raging on this bus, music blaring (you know, the classics: sweet caroline, jeremiah was a bullfrog, etc.) We get dropped off at Opera in downtown ATL. And if I had time I would totally describe the immaculancy that was this night club, but I've been gargling adderol like its my job at the library all night and I'm too tired. But I'll abbreviate the night in a few short words: Infinite bars, hot hostesses(?), VIP booth, pitchers of vodka (free...VIP duh), guidos snorting coke off eachothers hand in the middle of the dance floor, drunk senior citizens, 30$ bar tab (don't ask..).

With that being said..... SATURDAY: little trip down to Athens for UGA game day. Tailgating at the most insane tailgate I've ever seen. Food, Flat Screen with Dish Network, Never-ending bar, 12 too many shots, etc. Skip the game (haven't liked the bulldogs since before I was even concieved in the womb...) walk downtown, 3 bars here, 3 bars there, drunk as shit in a burger joint in the middle of downtown, socialized with bitchy ass UGA sorority girls (all were either too ugly or too pretty for their rude ass attitudes, but it's cool they won't leave with a respectable degree anyway, they DO go to UGA after all...) Left the burger joint, hit the bars for more night time scandals. Multiple shots and wayy too many rum and cokes later I end up raging to this band at the coolest bar in Athens and then leave with our group and hike approximately four thousand miles all over UGAs campus to get to a ride to wherever the hell it is we were staying, couldn' tell u much about that. Coincidently a friend from Southern was practically sober (by pracitcally I mean I was too excited to have a ride slash wayy to blackout to give two shits what they had been drinking) and picked us up from some parking garage(?) and took us to the apt complex we were staying in. The rest of my night was pretty much a blur involving my feet out of the window, tossing 20 pairs of random shoes aside to find my lost sandals, chasing after some random car because I was convinced my friend was still in there, scarfind down pizza rolls at 4 Am and passing out... Obviously I woke up, still PLASTERED, and slept the entire ride back home. Needless to say... I CANNOT WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!!

Good-freckin-Night!

Current Obsession = Sweet&Low by Augustana

This Library Is Makin' My Back Hurt.....

Just because we are in college and "binge drink" and "chain smoke" doesn't mean we don't hit the books on an occasional to frequent basis. In fact, on any given night at our resident library (which we have so properly dubbed as 'Club Henderson') there will be 3 times as many people packed into that 4 story mansion-of-a-library as there is in all the bars combined here. With that being said... It never fails to amaze me how much fun I have while I am there "studying" (quotes infer that i spend about 30 to 40% of my time socializing rather than studying) and have come up with a list of non-school-related activities I find myself participating in whilst there:

--people watching

--Haters Club

--FACEBOOKing. (duh)

--meaningless internet games

--riding the elevator to try and find the "hidden 5th floor" (done it ONCE)

--chain smoking like Thomas the Tank Engine at the back entrance with my fellow smokers

--Chatting with strangers who claim they are in your Biology class of 400 students which you have no clue who they are

--Screening calls from your parents, siblings, baby mamma, etc.

--trying to find an open bathroom at 3 AM becuase the janitors won't stop yelling at you to go down 3 floors to the open ones.... 50 billion bathrooms and they leave approximately FOUR open after 1 AM... cool.

--Waiting 3 hours to print off ONE piece of paper becuase everyone and their third cousin twice removed thinks they should use the library to print shit off at... have you people not heard of Kinkos?!

......I digress... I would rant more slash continue on about my obsession with studying at Club Henderson but I have more important things to do like hit up that Dollar Wells night, it is Wednesday after all.... Have a good one.

This Nacho Cheese Ain't Sittin So Well....

Don't get me wrong.... I LOVE game day here in college town... but I just could NOT hang in there this weekend. Me and some friends had the bright idea of filling a keg at our appartment instead of actually going out into the blistering sun and tailgating all day like a bunch of redneck mullet-sporting NASCAR fans... yeeeahhh.... Anyway. We all know how I feel about kegs... Kegs are like a Tequila Sunrise, at first its an exciting idea, and that first sip is just awesome... but a few more sips in (or in my case keg stands) and your wishing you had never thrown in on this stupid 1990's frat house ideology. Kegs. psshhh... Needless to say I had my fair share of the keg, went to the game, couldn't stand up any longer so my girlfriend has the genius idea to go meet her sorority sisters at the bar because they're all "too cool" to go to a football game a.k.a. wouln't know what a touchdown was if they had John Madden explain the concept to them. hmmm... Well that is neither here nor there, we get to the bar, its around dinner time so we order food. Me, being in my borderline blackout/beerbellied stage that im thinks it a good idea to order chicken and cheese nachos. Sounds appealing on paper, not so great in real life. End up back at my girlfriends appartment 30 minutes later and can't get back up to go out that night due to a mixture of drunkeness and food poisoining (or whatever you call it when u down a gallon of disgusting nacho cheese, ya know, the plastic-ee kind) ha.

I'm still not sure who won the game, but oh well, there will be plenty more that will not be prequeled with a keg... duh. Anyway, I'm off to clean up this dead roach off my floor, appearantly he has been there for some time. Hmm... Adios Amigos.

PS - I know I said I would start doing TFLN on sundays... but I just don't have time to look through my phone at all the hilarity that was sent me via txt this weekend. Sorry.

Texts From Last Night...

So it is sunday and I have decided to post a few hilarious (or so I think) text messages from the shennanigans of this weekend.... No explanation will follow... so just catch on and enjoy... here we go:

(912): Text him back "Fuck you and your small chode penis. I've been over you. Faggot."

(912): Mom just took me grocery shopping and bought me a 24 pack of Bud Light..... Bottles.... Coooool....

(706): I am not blackout

(912): well thats good for a change

(706): I am currently blackout. need pizza. bye.

(845): I am drinking a beer and watching jeopardy by myself... if this is foreshadowing my adult years, plese hire someone to kill me...

(706): hey are u going out tonight?

(678): Nope.

(706): Why not?

(678): Wasp attack.

(404): I need a xanax and multiple shots of tequila. I'm at this tea party shit right now drinking tea and eating crumpets and slowly dying inside. I keep having to explain 'how i know the bride' to all of them and my explanation sounds like a combination of terrets and a speech impediment because I keep stuttering over my words and rambling about weird shit to try and change the topic. I've never acted so socially uncomfortable and bizzare in my life. I've been awkwardly mingling with rich rando women with a fake ass smile plastered across my face while I watch her open about 100 gifts consisting of useless housware items. Cheese graters, wine openers, the works. Now I'm lurking in the corner trying to be low key and look normal. People are probably wondering why the hell this mystery alien girl is in the wedding. I've never been so paranoid. I want to run up and grab her new kitchen knife set and murder everyone here. I'm at a country club full of stepford wives who "awwww" at every present she opens. If there is a hell then this is exactly what it's like. This is the epitome of misery. I'm done bitching now I just needed to express my feelings of rage. Thx. Bye.

.....My weekend was great. That's all.

Flu Epidimic or the lastest Fad....?

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately, I guess you could say I've been rather busy with classes starting back, the bars requiring so much of my attention, and oh -let us not forget- countless hours spent dodging this dam swine flu epidimic that has struck our college campus. Which leads me to my topic of conversation (or should I say bloggversation?) EVERYONE has the damn swine flu! Even people that don't actually have it, claim to have it. You see, this is rather annoying because those of you who have not seen a doctor and claim you have this new flu strain are severly retarded. Having the flu is not a "cool" new trend to join. If you actually had the flu you wouldn't be faking your self-diagnosis. So stop bitching about how "sick" you are with your mediocre fever, dry throat, and mild cough. Cool, you have a small virus. Not the swine flu. Not even the regular flu. Kill yourself. Thanks.

...I digress. Next question: WHO THE F*CK TOLD YOU IT WAS COOL TO WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN HIGHWAY EVERYWHERE?? With the start of class, the usual college crowd of roughly 21,000 students has returned. And with that, approximately 12% of the student body here thinks that it is just SO cool to walk right in front of you at any given moment of the day. We have a semi-large but still small campus which has sidewalks EVERYWHERE. You and your gang of degenerate hoodlums can walk safely on the sidewalks our tuition has paid good money to be built. Continue to walk in my legal right-of-way path and you will meet the front of my little black car. Not that I am aiming for you (as many points as you would probablly be worth) but stay out of a cars way. Thank you.

I'm off to finish homework and continue my hangover from last nights bar endeavor. (Bye hangover I mean lack of desire to drink of course, if you remember I do not get actual hangovers). Hollaaa.

High Quality Imported Tequila My Ass....

Ohhh do not let this deceptively delicious drink decieve you... It is pure evil in a glass. Tequila makes you do some crazy shit and margaritas will fuck you UP! My weekend went by so fast the only things I can remember to write about are:

>>I love Tequila. Duh.

>>My girlfriend is amazing. And beautiful. And awesome... etc.

>>I miss my dog.

>>Zac Effron is still a HUGE faggot, and always will be.

>>Taco Bell... I mean thats all...

>>Partying with my friends from home is ShitShow

>>Partying with my friends from college is ShitShow...

>>My life is currently ShitShow.

>>I'm in serious need of pool time so off I go...

....holla back bitches.

Home Sweet? Home...

I went to my parents house for the day because fortunately slash unfortunately for me they live within reasonable driving distance. My mom teaches at an elementary school, she asked me to come visit her there for the day... Needless to say my morning consisted of me doing her bitchwork and fetching her taco bell. (Ps who new 2nd graders could be such smartasses. little shits. I will NEVER teach.) Went home and did what most would call ABSOLUTELY NOTHING aka facebooked/TVed until my younger drama queen sister comes in from her first day of high school, bitching about the lunch lines and the older boys in her gym class all having crushes on her... I will murder them. At dinner (yes people, I actually had a sit down dinner with my family for the first time in ages) I tried to invite my 9 year old brother to come visit me and take him to see a movie or something.... I mean, what exactly do you do with a 4th grader in a college town where you and everyone you knows main, and pretty much only, activities are going out and drinking til we forget where we are? Much to my suprise, after I offered to have him come stay... the little bastard replies with "this weekend? oh, well, i actually have plans this weekend... sorry."

....Plans? what plans? what could you possibly have PLANNED at that age. Is there a pokemon convention in town or something?! sheesh.. kids these days. Oh well, I scarffed down my moms pork loaf (questionable...) and pretended to care what my little sister had to say about making the high school softball team and got the hell out of there. It's weird

going home after living on your own for over a year... yet another of the many side effects of college. Along with premature alcoholism, eternal debt, and the occasional STD scare (never in my case however, don't worry)

Listening To: "Seven Years" by Saosin

So When Did Grapes Become Gangster...?

(Image courtesy of Evan Brewer's Facebook wall) ™

I laughed pretty hard at this when i read it... as random as it is. I'm craving wine now. Off to the Fast & Sleazyy!

Keggs Are A Little Too 2008 For Me...

Went to a kegger last night. I guess that's pretty self-explanatory.... Although, I did have a few moments when I seriously questioned the sanitation of the keg. Funny thing about those big silver barrel tanks of beer is that it's all fun and what not until someone goes Alcoholism 09 all over the party and does a keg stand... I mean, really? It's not like I was just drinking out of that tap that you just hoisted you girlfriend into the air to do a keg stand when we all know she just got done blowing you in the spare bathroom. Reaallllyy chick? The rest of the night I tried my best to ignore the invisible Herpes that was most likely flowing into the cups. Awesome. After about an hour of standing around a bunch of Zeta's and there random boyfriends who acted like they just met eachother every 10 seconds (insecure much?) our DD decided she was ready to drink so we left, went back to my place, got smashed and long story short I came close to passing out on my porch stairs while smoking a cig. Cool huh? Gotta love that handle of vodka you hide in your freezer for nights like this. hmmmm... Beunos Dias Seniores.

Listening To: "In This City" by Iglu & Hartly

Rain is God's way of pissing on your 4 hour drive and/or weekend....

Drove to ATL friday morning (after my WONDERFULLY INTELLIGENT girlfriend locked her keys in her car, God love her) and approximately 87% of the way it rained cats n lemurs. Suckfest '09. Had a pretty relaxing weekend with the wifey's family. Love her grandparents, they are legit. Love Atlanta. However I do not love the traffic. Lame. In related news, I've been having serious Taco Bell withdrawals... I haven't had it in almost a week... is this a problem? I'd like to think not. (maybe thats not so related but who's counting anyway?) Went to a party last night (saturday) -  it was mildly hilarious. Boner Jamz '09. BROhemian Rhapsody to the max. "I remember my first time going on a Polo shopping spree" -Em Switz. hollaaa. There were these high school senior girls who had just graduated... aka "Freshies" aka "ready to get roofied in college" who all were excessively wasted after a whopping 3 and a half beers.. by this point they all thought it was an awesomely brilliant idea to play Flip Cup with shots of vodka. awesome? no. Long story short we woke up this morning with the taste of cig ash and vodka on our breath (still wasted) and proceeded to harass our sleeping friends to wake the hell up.. one of them coming to the bedroom door naked having just hooked up with someone who, if i recall correctly, had to verify the person she had just slept with was who she thought it was... claaaasssic. Once NakedNasty got clothes on she walked into the next room with the rest of the early risers and began handing out cigs from her purse. When she found a few in the bottom that had apparently fallen out (at this time the heavy amounts of alcohol from last night had kicked back in for that oh so awesome "morning-after-drunk" that we love so so much) and began breaking them into little pieces, throwing them across the room, and yelling "CIIIIIGGGSS!" at the top of her lungs. Like I said.... still wasted.  Ahhh what a night. HA. Heading back to college town tonight after a graduation party. I need my fellow GA Southerners back in my life pronto. Adios Amigos.

Listening To: Fear of Flying by A Rocket to the Moon

Hangovers Do Not Exist....

I woke up this morning in a perfect mood... which led me to the conclusion that I just really do NOT get hangovers (unless I down a few handles of Jack of course). The party last night was insane... approximately 70ish sorority girls crammed into a nice little 3 story town home. How nice. Other than me and a few of the neighbor guys from next door it was basically an all female party (times like these make me miss the days of being single) but I was a good boy and didn't stray away. It's hot out... I am probablly going to hit up the pool sometime in the near future. If I can manage to get off my ass, stop eating cinnamon rolls, and put the movie marathon on pause. Days like these are the reason I start to gain weight. Lazzzyy. Fuck it. I'm getting back in the bed and watching more movies. Oh hi gooey cinnamon roll, how the fuck are you today!?

Listening To: a movie.

    Don't really blog much. But here goes nothing: Today is sucking on a major level. It is raining (no pool for me today. lame.) , my girlfriend is busy with her stupid sorority shit all day, my back is randomly hurting like a bitch, I'm slowly but surely discovering more and more how much I fucking hate BlackBerrys and there lack of compatibility with... well... anything! However, things should hopefully be more entertaining tonight. Phi Mu House party... those are always interesting. Sorostitutes here I come. See yah later healthy liver. I plan on drinking copious amounts of alcohol tonight. I deserve it. Goooodnight.

Listening To: "Good Girls Go Bad" -Cobra Starship