If you have ever been to college, or are currently attending college, then you know just how SIDEWAYS your ass gets thrown during the most stressful 3-5 days of a semester: FINALS WEEK!
I personally thrive on the excitement of all night aderral binges - cramming for tests over material you are completely clueless about -because no matter how many fucks you gave, accounting just never seemed to matter anyway. However, others do not share my enjoyment. This semester's library trip has been quite the interesting one. With my university's library being busier than a Vegas brothel on valentine's day, you can imagine how frustrating even finding a table to calmly sit and study at would be. Finally finding a perfect, quiet, well respected corner on the first floor, I cannot even open my notes until I am immediately disturbed by the setting up of the apparent fucking Christmas party in front of me. Yes, you read correctly... CHRISTMAS PARTY! IN LIBRARY! .....a;lsiugapgihwpoieagh;sdoigh!!!
Don't get me wrong... I love me some Crimuhh (new age hipster lingo for winter holiday celebrating birth of conventional Christian celebrity Jesus Christ) but of alllll the fucking places in this town to host a Christmas party, you assholes choose the library? Like, go to a fucking Starbucks you hooligan! A Dunkin' Donuts would even suffice for Christ's sake [no religious pun intended].
As the tables and chairs get pushed together, the casseroles unwrapped, and the gatorade coolers of coffee and tea propped up, I notice signs are being painted... SIGNS! FOR THEIR PARTY! Several moments later, much to my surprise, the girl with the mormon hair whips out a pair of roller skates, straps up, and makes the first floor of the library her personal roller rink. By now my face is glued wide in astonishment, as the chubby hipster guy straps on his in-line skates, and I am seconds away from psychotic screams of rage. Eventually I discover that it is NOT a Christmas party after all, it is some group of idiots calling themselves "Finals Friends" or some shitty alliteration of the sort. They are skating around the library advertising free coffee and snacks. What... the actual.. FUCK are you doing with your lives?! Do you not have finals? must be nice. Are you the local youth outreach program? If so their are crackheads and dumpster babies downtown that probably need your "snacks" more than we do.
Go away. Let me study. I am JUST trying to get a degree here people!!
Ironically enough, the campus police show up to order a cease and desist because according to the laws of this fine institution, you cannot give away free shit in a library that makes a reasonable profit off of it's coffe shops. SO SUCK ON THAT HIPSTERS!
Anyway.. I digress. I need to return to my studies, which are proving more difficult courtesy of the greasy banana troll next to me who keeps snorting and picking his boogers. But I will spare him a blog post rant and let me contract Hepatitis at his own pace.
Love, Peace, and Finals Week bitches!
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