Texts From Last Night...

So it is sunday and I have decided to post a few hilarious (or so I think) text messages from the shennanigans of this weekend.... No explanation will follow... so just catch on and enjoy... here we go:

(912): Text him back "Fuck you and your small chode penis. I've been over you. Faggot."

(912): Mom just took me grocery shopping and bought me a 24 pack of Bud Light..... Bottles.... Coooool....

(706): I am not blackout

(912): well thats good for a change

(706): I am currently blackout. need pizza. bye.

(845): I am drinking a beer and watching jeopardy by myself... if this is foreshadowing my adult years, plese hire someone to kill me...

(706): hey are u going out tonight?

(678): Nope.

(706): Why not?

(678): Wasp attack.

(404): I need a xanax and multiple shots of tequila. I'm at this tea party shit right now drinking tea and eating crumpets and slowly dying inside. I keep having to explain 'how i know the bride' to all of them and my explanation sounds like a combination of terrets and a speech impediment because I keep stuttering over my words and rambling about weird shit to try and change the topic. I've never acted so socially uncomfortable and bizzare in my life. I've been awkwardly mingling with rich rando women with a fake ass smile plastered across my face while I watch her open about 100 gifts consisting of useless housware items. Cheese graters, wine openers, the works. Now I'm lurking in the corner trying to be low key and look normal. People are probably wondering why the hell this mystery alien girl is in the wedding. I've never been so paranoid. I want to run up and grab her new kitchen knife set and murder everyone here. I'm at a country club full of stepford wives who "awwww" at every present she opens. If there is a hell then this is exactly what it's like. This is the epitome of misery. I'm done bitching now I just needed to express my feelings of rage. Thx. Bye.

.....My weekend was great. That's all.

Flu Epidimic or the lastest Fad....?

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately, I guess you could say I've been rather busy with classes starting back, the bars requiring so much of my attention, and oh -let us not forget- countless hours spent dodging this dam swine flu epidimic that has struck our college campus. Which leads me to my topic of conversation (or should I say bloggversation?) EVERYONE has the damn swine flu! Even people that don't actually have it, claim to have it. You see, this is rather annoying because those of you who have not seen a doctor and claim you have this new flu strain are severly retarded. Having the flu is not a "cool" new trend to join. If you actually had the flu you wouldn't be faking your self-diagnosis. So stop bitching about how "sick" you are with your mediocre fever, dry throat, and mild cough. Cool, you have a small virus. Not the swine flu. Not even the regular flu. Kill yourself. Thanks.

...I digress. Next question: WHO THE F*CK TOLD YOU IT WAS COOL TO WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN HIGHWAY EVERYWHERE?? With the start of class, the usual college crowd of roughly 21,000 students has returned. And with that, approximately 12% of the student body here thinks that it is just SO cool to walk right in front of you at any given moment of the day. We have a semi-large but still small campus which has sidewalks EVERYWHERE. You and your gang of degenerate hoodlums can walk safely on the sidewalks our tuition has paid good money to be built. Continue to walk in my legal right-of-way path and you will meet the front of my little black car. Not that I am aiming for you (as many points as you would probablly be worth) but stay out of a cars way. Thank you.

I'm off to finish homework and continue my hangover from last nights bar endeavor. (Bye hangover I mean lack of desire to drink of course, if you remember I do not get actual hangovers). Hollaaa.

High Quality Imported Tequila My Ass....

Ohhh do not let this deceptively delicious drink decieve you... It is pure evil in a glass. Tequila makes you do some crazy shit and margaritas will fuck you UP! My weekend went by so fast the only things I can remember to write about are:

>>I love Tequila. Duh.

>>My girlfriend is amazing. And beautiful. And awesome... etc.

>>I miss my dog.

>>Zac Effron is still a HUGE faggot, and always will be.

>>Taco Bell... I mean thats all...

>>Partying with my friends from home is ShitShow

>>Partying with my friends from college is ShitShow...

>>My life is currently ShitShow.

>>I'm in serious need of pool time so off I go...

....holla back bitches.

Home Sweet? Home...

I went to my parents house for the day because fortunately slash unfortunately for me they live within reasonable driving distance. My mom teaches at an elementary school, she asked me to come visit her there for the day... Needless to say my morning consisted of me doing her bitchwork and fetching her taco bell. (Ps who new 2nd graders could be such smartasses. little shits. I will NEVER teach.) Went home and did what most would call ABSOLUTELY NOTHING aka facebooked/TVed until my younger drama queen sister comes in from her first day of high school, bitching about the lunch lines and the older boys in her gym class all having crushes on her... I will murder them. At dinner (yes people, I actually had a sit down dinner with my family for the first time in ages) I tried to invite my 9 year old brother to come visit me and take him to see a movie or something.... I mean, what exactly do you do with a 4th grader in a college town where you and everyone you knows main, and pretty much only, activities are going out and drinking til we forget where we are? Much to my suprise, after I offered to have him come stay... the little bastard replies with "this weekend? oh, well, i actually have plans this weekend... sorry."

....Plans? what plans? what could you possibly have PLANNED at that age. Is there a pokemon convention in town or something?! sheesh.. kids these days. Oh well, I scarffed down my moms pork loaf (questionable...) and pretended to care what my little sister had to say about making the high school softball team and got the hell out of there. It's weird

going home after living on your own for over a year... yet another of the many side effects of college. Along with premature alcoholism, eternal debt, and the occasional STD scare (never in my case however, don't worry)

Listening To: "Seven Years" by Saosin

So When Did Grapes Become Gangster...?

(Image courtesy of Evan Brewer's Facebook wall) ™

I laughed pretty hard at this when i read it... as random as it is. I'm craving wine now. Off to the Fast & Sleazyy!

Keggs Are A Little Too 2008 For Me...

Went to a kegger last night. I guess that's pretty self-explanatory.... Although, I did have a few moments when I seriously questioned the sanitation of the keg. Funny thing about those big silver barrel tanks of beer is that it's all fun and what not until someone goes Alcoholism 09 all over the party and does a keg stand... I mean, really? It's not like I was just drinking out of that tap that you just hoisted you girlfriend into the air to do a keg stand when we all know she just got done blowing you in the spare bathroom. Reaallllyy chick? The rest of the night I tried my best to ignore the invisible Herpes that was most likely flowing into the cups. Awesome. After about an hour of standing around a bunch of Zeta's and there random boyfriends who acted like they just met eachother every 10 seconds (insecure much?) our DD decided she was ready to drink so we left, went back to my place, got smashed and long story short I came close to passing out on my porch stairs while smoking a cig. Cool huh? Gotta love that handle of vodka you hide in your freezer for nights like this. hmmmm... Beunos Dias Seniores.

Listening To: "In This City" by Iglu & Hartly

Rain is God's way of pissing on your 4 hour drive and/or weekend....

Drove to ATL friday morning (after my WONDERFULLY INTELLIGENT girlfriend locked her keys in her car, God love her) and approximately 87% of the way it rained cats n lemurs. Suckfest '09. Had a pretty relaxing weekend with the wifey's family. Love her grandparents, they are legit. Love Atlanta. However I do not love the traffic. Lame. In related news, I've been having serious Taco Bell withdrawals... I haven't had it in almost a week... is this a problem? I'd like to think not. (maybe thats not so related but who's counting anyway?) Went to a party last night (saturday) -  it was mildly hilarious. Boner Jamz '09. BROhemian Rhapsody to the max. "I remember my first time going on a Polo shopping spree" -Em Switz. hollaaa. There were these high school senior girls who had just graduated... aka "Freshies" aka "ready to get roofied in college" who all were excessively wasted after a whopping 3 and a half beers.. by this point they all thought it was an awesomely brilliant idea to play Flip Cup with shots of vodka. awesome? no. Long story short we woke up this morning with the taste of cig ash and vodka on our breath (still wasted) and proceeded to harass our sleeping friends to wake the hell up.. one of them coming to the bedroom door naked having just hooked up with someone who, if i recall correctly, had to verify the person she had just slept with was who she thought it was... claaaasssic. Once NakedNasty got clothes on she walked into the next room with the rest of the early risers and began handing out cigs from her purse. When she found a few in the bottom that had apparently fallen out (at this time the heavy amounts of alcohol from last night had kicked back in for that oh so awesome "morning-after-drunk" that we love so so much) and began breaking them into little pieces, throwing them across the room, and yelling "CIIIIIGGGSS!" at the top of her lungs. Like I said.... still wasted.  Ahhh what a night. HA. Heading back to college town tonight after a graduation party. I need my fellow GA Southerners back in my life pronto. Adios Amigos.

Listening To: Fear of Flying by A Rocket to the Moon